You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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