That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We were destined to go to rehab together
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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