She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
