and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
