Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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