There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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