is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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