I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
