true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
