My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
