her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
