So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
how drunk are you?
Several
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
