I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize