If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
