I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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