I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
