i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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