im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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