i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
