we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
