tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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