She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
