Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize