The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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