i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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