I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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