so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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