the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
