mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
