am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
