Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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