winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
