What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
