No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
