Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
