I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
