Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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