There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
