no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
