the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
