He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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