Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
