He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
