The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
