do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize