life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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