Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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