I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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