You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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