Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
