I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
