yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
