I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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