does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
