i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
