a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
