the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
