It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
