on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
