I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
