Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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