Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You ate ashes out of my bong
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your penis caused this!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
