What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
