At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
