giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
