You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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