i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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