life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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