she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
