I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was confusing and full of hummus
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
