NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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