This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
