You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize