you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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