I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
