I feel like abortions should bother me more
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
