I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
