Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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