Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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