He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
