so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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