Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
