so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
