I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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