well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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