hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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