dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
