just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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