I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
