I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need help removing her.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
