This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Houston, we have a blender
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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