Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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