You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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