I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize