Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
