I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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