her vagine was all disorganized.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
