I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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