i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
