Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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