So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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