puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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