thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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