Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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