Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
