and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
