Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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