she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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