I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
