peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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