they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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