you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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