i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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