If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
